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Horrible Ad Campaign

I find most commercials that have nothing to do with food incredibly ineffective, but rarely do I find them offensive as a heterosexual male.  One commercial that recently struck me came from “the phone to save us from our phone” ad campaign where a beautiful brunette in a short black night gown is unable to get the attention of a man, probably her husband and not just an aloof roommate, too preoccupied with his smart phone to notice her.  I see that ridiculousness and want to push it further.  I envision the same set up, but, instead of the lady simply standing there, there’s a man ravaging her as part of her ploy to raise her husband’s ire.  Then her husband looks up, shifts his reading glasses down, and says, “Hold Still,” as he snaps a picture.  After examining it he becomes enraged, throws his phone across the room and, before he begins pouting, yells, “I still don’t know how to get rid of the damn red eye!”

I understand that over time a lesser man can become desensitized to seeing the same beautiful woman everyday, but these commercials aren’t that nuanced. They simply suggest that the wrong phone can make a man blind to a beautiful woman and leave it up to the audience to imagine how crippling impotence, the fear of women, or the wrong type of intoxicant can be.  This phone company doesn’t offend me with its premise primarily because it highlights that choosing to fidget with a phone over intimacy with a woman is a bad decision.  On the other hand, a beer company shouldn’t generate an entire ad campaign around the idea that cold beer with temperature sensitive graphics makes the love of a beautiful woman mundane in comparison.

Can you imagine the people who would make that kind of pitch? When I try, it’s always a group of guys, because I figure women know their power too well to ever take it so lightly, and their faces manifest as some constantly shifting nightmarish amalgamation of all the corporate villains from 80s movies who seriously and honestly agree that they need to convey the idea that their brand of beer is better than sex. Because they lack the ability to communicate that idea subtly, they relay it in the most blunt, implausible, frustrating way possible.  Additionally, I can only assume that they are marketing their beer to children because they are the least likely demographic to have a point of reference grounded in reality, never having tasted beer and never having had an enjoyable sexual experience.  This might be the closest approximation to a cartoon camel with a phallic design (ironic on its own) promoting cigarettes, and they would deserve some sort of an award if it was done for satire.  Since I would never give someone that much credit for being that many levels [balls] deep with their wit, I encourage you to read the possible pitch to yourself and try not to agree with me more.

“We want to let everybody know that this stuff is better than sex, right?  So, picture rose petals leading to the bedroom, incense burning, and a gorgeous woman in a satin night gown smiling, and our guy…the speaker pauses and looks around the room for effect…struts in, ignores all this, and goes straight for an ice cold beer in the fridge. Am I selling this or am I selling this?”

We end up with a commercial that is neither funny nor any type of reflection of normal male behavior but could possibly be someone making light of alcoholism’s ability to destroy a relationship in order to sell alcohol.

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  1. April 23, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    I’m almost offended that youre is offended. you sound like you were just having a particularly bad day when you saw this commercial ( a type you already have a distaste for) and just flew off the chain and wanted to rant. I know its a shitty commercial and i would never defend its value but i feel like the best way to deal with this is to ignore it. the next time you are looking for a beer and you see this particular brand just shutter a little and keep walking. giving it attention gives it power!

  2. April 23, 2011 at 11:54 pm

    I wanted to write this comically, and I maybe made a mistake in vilifying the company responsible for the ad campaign and writing how frustrating I found it. In the future, I’ll try to keep that in mind so I can let what I think is funny shine more. However, I did intend for it to be biting, and often when I read someone writing in a similar style about something grinding their gears, they also seem personally offended by what they’re lampooning. I can do better. Cutting out the two things that I mentioned earlier in this paragraph would probably help, but I don’t think it would necessarily keep from sounding harsh.

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